Welcome to Amerika

All Hail President Hussein Obama

Faber University Bachelor Arts Rhetoric

Egyptoid was an Arabian physician and influential Islamic philosopher; his interpretation of Aristotle influenced St. Jerome

Census 2010

No Need to fill out extraneous info....

Rep. Bachmann believes the upcoming census to be "very intricate" and "very personal" and expresses concerns about ACORN's involvement in the data collection. The community organizing program came under scrunity after charges of voter registration fraud during the 2008 presidential elections

Constitution only requires # in household.

Douglas Kenney
Writer/actor, National Lampoon alumnus.
(Animal House - co-wrote and played "Stork");
died in 1980 by accidentally falling from a cliff in Kauai Hawaii.

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This post is not funny.

Urban and Rural

Okay so Miss Vicki and I are out cruising around on a nice weekend, and on the way home, traveling NOT via interstates, so that one can see the real america. We happen across a hand painted road-sign that says "Craft Fair Up Ahead"

We could use a break so we decide to stop. In the next little county, at their little fairgrounds, they have signs up and the whole area roped off. The local Lions Club has sponsored this Craft Fair. So we parked and walked up and it was $5 each for us to enter.  We paid and started strolling around. and got slowly appalled.

There were 2 people in booths selling what we called crafts, which is to say, raw materials of wood, fiber, or what have you, that you hand crafted into an item of use or value. There were also 5 to 7 booths selling peanuts, snowcones, RC cola, etc. Those were fine, and remember this isn't the county fair, its a "craft show"

The rest of the several dozen booths were folks hawking wares or services: NASCAR memorabilia (chinese plastic), replacement windows, whirlpool conversions for your bathtub, knock-off DVDs, fortune teller, tacky widgets (rooster clocks, skoal napkin rings, john deere S&P shakers). There were license plate frame dealers, ancestry verifiers, horoscope booklets, and ways to verify your next sure-fire lottery number planning.

Sadly Vicki and I had to pass up on all these wondrous things, and started returning quietly to our car empty handed.  When we were about 20 feet from our car I couldn't hold it in any longer. I blurted out:

 "Well it looks like the Zuckerman County Lions Club snaked another ten dollars out of them stupid city folk agin!"

I want to thank you kind folks for reading this far, there is a pay off, a punch line, if you will.

Cause what I didn't see when I opened my pie-hole was this van parked close by, in which a gentleman was taking a smoke break, with his windows rolled down. You guessed it, he was wearing the special vest, hat and enamel pins that plainly identify a person as Grand Poobah, Great Lion, or Gold Wizard or some such title which I as the aforementioned metropolitan ignoramus could not possibly discern. And of course he had heard me complaining. I have no idea if appreciated my well practiced Confederate accent, caused he just stared at us stone-facedly. Vicki gave me her patented eyebrow maneuver which always says, Lets Go Now; and away we zoomed. Eventually my dignity grew back, but it took a few days.

Israeli Ad Campaign

Can't says I disagree with them.

BRICK MUPPET

BRICK MUPPET

my main man Kenny T,

immprtalized in story and song.

here's his Blog

T D JAKES is my President

not some lying fruitbat from Chicago Politics.

Bus. sammich. Job. Bonus. Park

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(looking at a country music star) he looks pretty normal

not all of them have chew hanging off'em.

How Not To Be My Face-Book Friend

All the names and pictures in this little rant are fictitious, but the silly things people have done on Face-Book regrettably are quite real.

Let's imagine this lovely little person is the most important person in your life. Let's call her Maria. She's your daughter and you've sunk blood, sweat, tears, thousands of dollars and thousands of hours into her life. That is all right and good. Because she is so glaringly relevant to you, you put her picture onto your Face-Book page. Let's call you Ursula.

Ok so far, but then you go the extra step and put her picture onto your profile directly. That is to say, the first picture one actually sees online of Ursula will instead be of Maria. This makes sense to you, because you love Maria so much.

Now let's imagine it's been 16 years since anyone in my family has even seen Ursula. We possibly don't know anything about Maria, either. We didn't know Ursula had been married twice and is going by her second married name. Plus you've lived in strange ways and strange times in the intervening years, and you now have the propensity to use your middle name first on all things. We don't know all this. It's been 16 long years, and there was a war, you know.

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So we might expect a Face-Book Request like this:

Which looks like you (maybe older) and has a name we recognize on it, and we might click on it to converse with you to see if this is indeed the Ursula we all knew and loved way back when.

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Instead what we got was this:

On which there is nothing we recognize. And because you used the picture from the school play where she was heavily made up, what chance we had to eke out a family resemblance to Ursula has died. And there's little to entice us to click thereon to see what this is all about.

So we click ignore on the little girl, not realizing we were ignoring our old friend Ursula. It's a crying shame, but who's to blame? and don't get me started about What if you lost a ton of weight since we knew you well, and you're using an online handle now called "Cinnamon Breeze". I'm a family man now. I don't click on names like "Cinnamon Breeze". And don't sit there and smirk, gentlemen: Just because this example is female doesn't mean I can't give idiotic anecdotes of dumb guys on Facebook. Thankfully though, Facebook is still not My-Space.

Tubular Update One

thanks for joining us folks. 

Can you believe its been a month since the "raffle" started on the Tubular Delineators near the Newport News Wal-Mart !

Some of them are damaged, but none are fallen yet. Methinks they've installed some quality plastic tubes there. Who would have accused VDOT of doing a good job?

To be clear on the "rules" of this little sweepstakes: to win, one or more posts must be wrenched out of their little holes. It doesnt have to be completely uprooted, but it does have to be crushed or torn in such a way that it lays down, leans over more than a 50° angle, but completely uprooted is a definite plus.

If you personally drive over the tubes, or have them driven over, Yes, that's an allowable method for you to win the bet. But is my measly prize worth all the body repair time or possible legal hassles? I think not.

Stay tuned, and be on the lookout for Tubular Delineators.

Global Warming Crack-Heads

Washington, DC -- UK's
Lord Christopher Monckton, a former science advisor to Prime Minister Margaret
Thatcher, claimed House Democrats have refused to allow him to appear alongside
former Vice President Al Gore at a high profile global warming hearing on Friday
April 24, 2009 at 10am in Washington. Monckton told Climate
Depot that the Democrats rescinded his scheduled joint
appearance at the House Energy and Commerce hearing on Friday. Monckton said he
was informed that he would not be allowed to testify alongside Gore when his
plane landed from England Thursday afternoon.

“The House Democrats don't want Gore humiliated, so they slammed the
door of the Capitol in my face,” Monckton told Climate
Depot in an exclusive interview. “They are
cowards.”

Tubular Delineators

Did you know that the white plastic lane dividers are officially called Tubular Delineators ?

That's their Official Nomenclature in the

Huge Catalog of Government Particulars.

Anyways, they've recently finished installing the new ones at the interchange at Interstate 64, the Jefferson Ave. off ramp.  These delineators are pristine, shiny, reflective, and give the roadway a professional and safe appearance. These traffic control devices are sure to please, combining durability with high-visibility. Using the highest quality material, these products are designed to withstand repeated high-speed impact with moving vehicles. When looking for barriers to regulate your traffic, look no further than Tubular Delineators.

Now there's only a few  things to do at this particular intersection: go live in Kiln Creek, go Work at Ferguson, have a scone at Panera, Leave from the Airport, or go Shop at Wal-Mart. 

Oh my gosh do the people go shop at Walmart like mad.  Soldiers, Rednecks and Sailors will leave the Interstate where they were doing 70mph to  zoom across 3 lanes of oncoming traffic  that is going 45 mph to get a new pair of chinese flip-flops and and a mark-down "Party of Five" DVD at the Wal-Marts. That's why the city has the strict lane control. They want the (theoretically) merging drivers to yield and  go to the next light, and enter Wal-Mart's lot in a calm and rational manner, via the second entrance. That way persons already on Jefferson can safely and calmly use the first entrance.

This is the theory I've laid out for you, and its backed up with careful reports and pamphlets from the NN Civil Engineers. BUT The harsh reality is that some chain-smoking nimrod talking on their cell-phone while their brats play "punch buggy" in the back seat is going to swerve wide and leave a Subaru shaped impact on half a dozen of these clean white posts, some of which will give up the ghost, no doubt to be flung into the mulch around the median's little mulberry trees.

You know it's gonna be true; the only question is when? That's where you come in. We're going to bet on it. I've set an arbitrary date of about a year from now as the cut-off. April 1st, 2010, that's the number.  What I want is everbody to leave their name and date of bet in the comments (either here on on my facebook page)  So your entry should look like "Vicki Davis, Sept. 1st". This let's me know who you are and when you think is the closest date (without going over)  to The Big Wipe-Out.

If two people pick the same correct date, then the tie breaker will be the earlier time mark of their comment. 2 other things to note:

A) If it's a tragedy, and people are killed or paralyzed in a pile-up that wipes out the cones, then that's Not Funny Anymore, and I'll donate any prize money to some appropriate charity in their names.

B) If we get to next April and all the pretty markers are still standing, I'll have a party for everyone.

Other rules. You ought to live on or near the Virginia Peninsula. You have to be someone I know.

Yes there will be a physical prize of some value. Only one bet per person. Yes you can have more than one bet per family, but each person has to be someone I know. 

 No I don't know what the prize is yet. but it will be worth the 5 minutes it takes you to read this, leave a comment, and place your bet. The prize may very well be a Wal-Mart gift card.

Zodiac

 

Where were you when I laid the foundations of the earth?
      Tell Me, if you have understanding.

Who determined its measurements?
      Surely you know! Or who stretched the line upon it?

To what were its foundations fastened?
      Or who laid its cornerstone,

When the morning stars sang together,
      And all the sons of God shouted for joy?

 

"Have you commanded the morning since your days began,
      And caused the dawn to know its place,

That it might take hold of the ends of the earth,
      And the wicked be shaken out of it?

 

" Where is the way to the dwelling of light?
      And darkness, where is its place,

That you may take it to its territory,
      That you may know the paths to its home?

 

Do you know it, because you were born then,
      Or because the number of your days is great? 

 

By what way is light diffused,
      Or the east wind scattered over the earth?

 

"Can you bind the cluster of the Pleiades,
      Or loose the belt of Orion?

Can you bring out Constellations in their season?
     Or can you guide Ursa Major with her cubs?

Do you know the ordinances of the heavens?
      Can you set their dominion over the earth?

 

Who has put wisdom in the mind?
      Or who has given understanding to the heart?

Who can number the clouds by wisdom?
      Or who can pour out the bottles of heaven?

 - - - thus says the Lord of Heaven

--
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Elliott D. - - - - - - -

Obama

Forty-Fifth Birthday

forty five years ago there was 32 inches of snow on the ground, and my mom had to wade uphill to the hospital to bear me.

They sucked me in.

Facebook Junk:

http://profile.to/egyptoid

Rollercoaster of the Gods

Houston, Got the Ways and Means, too close to New Orleans

Let me just tell you, Congressional/Executive Branch Scumbag, Esq., if you do this… if you take this turn… I won’t even think twice. I will move my firm to Switzerland, or to London before the year is out. Those employees who do not follow me, I will have to fire. The corporate taxes I pay will no longer be yours. Instead, they will go to something useful, like a nice tunnel through a mountain for high speed trains that actually work. Further, I will dedicate a substantial portion of my personal time, effort and capital to frustrating your every attempt to collect personal taxes on me thereafter- given your draconian anti-expatriation laws. But that’s not all. My job is to make money for my clients, in whatever way I can. I will short your flagging financial firms mercilessly and remorselessly. I will buy QGRI puts to bet against any firm that took bailout money. I will buy credit default swaps on every firm you put your greasy paws on, because I know your fingerprints are laced with poison. For every boneheaded centralist move you make, I will be there, profiting from your lunacy. I will never again take a client who pays taxes in the United States. I will not permit any capital or profit to be diverted to any such. I will do this because in the same way you believe it your divine right to punish “greed,” I consider it my duty to punish the stupidity and arrogance that is central planning, and because I believe in economic freedom.

Much more Classy then our Democratic Ex-Presidents

Former President George W. Bush says he won't criticize President Barack Obama because Obama "deserves my silence," and says he plans to write a book about the 12 toughest decisions he made in office. Bush's speech Tuesday at a luncheon in Calgary, Alberta was his first since leaving office.

He declined to comment about the Obama administration like former Vice President Dick Cheney. Cheney said Sunday that Obama's decisions are threatening the nation's safety.