24 April 2009

Global Warming Crack-Heads

Washington, DC -- UK's
Lord Christopher Monckton, a former science advisor to Prime Minister Margaret
Thatcher, claimed House Democrats have refused to allow him to appear alongside
former Vice President Al Gore at a high profile global warming hearing on Friday
April 24, 2009 at 10am in Washington. Monckton told Climate
that the Democrats rescinded his scheduled joint
appearance at the House Energy and Commerce hearing on Friday. Monckton said he
was informed that he would not be allowed to testify alongside Gore when his
plane landed from England Thursday afternoon.

“The House Democrats don't want Gore humiliated, so they slammed the
door of the Capitol in my face,” Monckton told Climate
in an exclusive interview. “They are

21 April 2009

Tubular Delineators

Did you know that the white plastic lane dividers are officially called Tubular Delineators ?

That's their Official Nomenclature in the
Huge Catalog of Government Particulars.

Anyways, they've recently finished installing the new ones at the interchange at Interstate 64, the Jefferson Ave. off ramp.  These delineators are pristine, shiny, reflective, and give the roadway a professional and safe appearance. These traffic control devices are sure to please, combining durability with high-visibility. Using the highest quality material, these products are designed to withstand repeated high-speed impact with moving vehicles. When looking for barriers to regulate your traffic, look no further than Tubular Delineators.

Now there's only a few  things to do at this particular intersection: go live in Kiln Creek, go Work at Ferguson, have a scone at Panera, Leave from the Airport, or go Shop at Wal-Mart. 

Oh my gosh do the people go shop at Walmart like mad.  Soldiers, Rednecks and Sailors will leave the Interstate where they were doing 70mph to  zoom across 3 lanes of oncoming traffic  that is going 45 mph to get a new pair of chinese flip-flops and and a mark-down "Party of Five" DVD at the Wal-Marts. That's why the city has the strict lane control. They want the (theoretically) merging drivers to yield and  go to the next light, and enter Wal-Mart's lot in a calm and rational manner, via the second entrance. That way persons already on Jefferson can safely and calmly use the first entrance.

This is the theory I've laid out for you, and its backed up with careful reports and pamphlets from the NN Civil Engineers. BUT The harsh reality is that some chain-smoking nimrod talking on their cell-phone while their brats play "punch buggy" in the back seat is going to swerve wide and leave a Subaru shaped impact on half a dozen of these clean white posts, some of which will give up the ghost, no doubt to be flung into the mulch around the median's little mulberry trees.

You know it's gonna be true; the only question is when? That's where you come in. We're going to bet on it. I've set an arbitrary date of about a year from now as the cut-off. April 1st, 2010, that's the number.  What I want is everbody to leave their name and date of bet in the comments (either here on on my facebook page)  So your entry should look like "Vicki Davis, Sept. 1st". This let's me know who you are and when you think is the closest date (without going over)  to The Big Wipe-Out.

If two people pick the same correct date, then the tie breaker will be the earlier time mark of their comment. 2 other things to note:
A) If it's a tragedy, and people are killed or paralyzed in a pile-up that wipes out the cones, then that's Not Funny Anymore, and I'll donate any prize money to some appropriate charity in their names.
B) If we get to next April and all the pretty markers are still standing, I'll have a party for everyone.

Other rules. You ought to live on or near the Virginia Peninsula. You have to be someone I know.
Yes there will be a physical prize of some value. Only one bet per person. Yes you can have more than one bet per family, but each person has to be someone I know. 

 No I don't know what the prize is yet. but it will be worth the 5 minutes it takes you to read this, leave a comment, and place your bet. The prize may very well be a Wal-Mart gift card.

15 April 2009


Where were you when I laid the foundations of the earth?
      Tell Me, if you have understanding.
Who determined its measurements?
      Surely you know! Or who stretched the line upon it?
To what were its foundations fastened?
      Or who laid its cornerstone,
When the morning stars sang together,
      And all the sons of God shouted for joy?
"Have you commanded the morning since your days began,
      And caused the dawn to know its place,
That it might take hold of the ends of the earth,
      And the wicked be shaken out of it?
" Where is the way to the dwelling of light?
      And darkness, where is its place,
That you may take it to its territory,
      That you may know the paths to its home?
Do you know it, because you were born then,
      Or because the number of your days is great? 
By what way is light diffused,
      Or the east wind scattered over the earth?
"Can you bind the cluster of the Pleiades,
      Or loose the belt of Orion?
Can you bring out Constellations in their season?
     Or can you guide Ursa Major with her cubs?
Do you know the ordinances of the heavens?
      Can you set their dominion over the earth?
Who has put wisdom in the mind?
      Or who has given understanding to the heart?
Who can number the clouds by wisdom?
      Or who can pour out the bottles of heaven?
 - - - thus says the Lord of Heaven

Elliott D. - - - - - - -

08 April 2009

Forty-Fifth Birthday

forty five years ago there was 32 inches of snow on the ground, and my mom had to wade uphill to the hospital to bear me.

They sucked me in.

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