21 April 2009

Tubular Delineators

Did you know that the white plastic lane dividers are officially called Tubular Delineators ?

That's their Official Nomenclature in the
Huge Catalog of Government Particulars.

Anyways, they've recently finished installing the new ones at the interchange at Interstate 64, the Jefferson Ave. off ramp.  These delineators are pristine, shiny, reflective, and give the roadway a professional and safe appearance. These traffic control devices are sure to please, combining durability with high-visibility. Using the highest quality material, these products are designed to withstand repeated high-speed impact with moving vehicles. When looking for barriers to regulate your traffic, look no further than Tubular Delineators.

Now there's only a few  things to do at this particular intersection: go live in Kiln Creek, go Work at Ferguson, have a scone at Panera, Leave from the Airport, or go Shop at Wal-Mart. 

Oh my gosh do the people go shop at Walmart like mad.  Soldiers, Rednecks and Sailors will leave the Interstate where they were doing 70mph to  zoom across 3 lanes of oncoming traffic  that is going 45 mph to get a new pair of chinese flip-flops and and a mark-down "Party of Five" DVD at the Wal-Marts. That's why the city has the strict lane control. They want the (theoretically) merging drivers to yield and  go to the next light, and enter Wal-Mart's lot in a calm and rational manner, via the second entrance. That way persons already on Jefferson can safely and calmly use the first entrance.

This is the theory I've laid out for you, and its backed up with careful reports and pamphlets from the NN Civil Engineers. BUT The harsh reality is that some chain-smoking nimrod talking on their cell-phone while their brats play "punch buggy" in the back seat is going to swerve wide and leave a Subaru shaped impact on half a dozen of these clean white posts, some of which will give up the ghost, no doubt to be flung into the mulch around the median's little mulberry trees.

You know it's gonna be true; the only question is when? That's where you come in. We're going to bet on it. I've set an arbitrary date of about a year from now as the cut-off. April 1st, 2010, that's the number.  What I want is everbody to leave their name and date of bet in the comments (either here on on my facebook page)  So your entry should look like "Vicki Davis, Sept. 1st". This let's me know who you are and when you think is the closest date (without going over)  to The Big Wipe-Out.

If two people pick the same correct date, then the tie breaker will be the earlier time mark of their comment. 2 other things to note:
A) If it's a tragedy, and people are killed or paralyzed in a pile-up that wipes out the cones, then that's Not Funny Anymore, and I'll donate any prize money to some appropriate charity in their names.
B) If we get to next April and all the pretty markers are still standing, I'll have a party for everyone.

Other rules. You ought to live on or near the Virginia Peninsula. You have to be someone I know.
Yes there will be a physical prize of some value. Only one bet per person. Yes you can have more than one bet per family, but each person has to be someone I know. 

 No I don't know what the prize is yet. but it will be worth the 5 minutes it takes you to read this, leave a comment, and place your bet. The prize may very well be a Wal-Mart gift card.


Liz said...

You mean it hasn't already happened? Those stupid things... Tubular Delineators, you say? So be it. Those stupid Tubular Delineators have been up there for months, at this point.

Which doesn't mean I'm not game. Let's see... I'll snap up the big Post-Thanksgiving shopping frenzy.

Liz Brooks, November 27th.

PJ said...

The last ones lasted one week, I'll give these double that lifetime, so May 5 for me.

PJ said...

PJ, May 5

Marcy D said...

Marcy Desmarais - July 3, 2009

chuck said...

Memorial Day Weekend - which isn't a date, so I'll say May 25, 2009.

Roy said...

Roy - April 30th

They get splattered all the time and regularly replaced as part of road maintenance.

And they make a thoroughly cool noise when someone shwacks into a row of them. BTHDTHDTHDTHDTHD

Anonymous said...

Will - June 15th. and I'll say 4 of them by that time.

Lots of Graduation action going on then if not sooner from the proms.

Are we allowed to take them out ourselves?

Christina said...

Christina W.- July 11

Anonymous said...

Well there was a fatal accident there last Thursday (June 16th) if there is a missing Delineator the deal is off.

Anonymous said...

oops make that July 16th

Romana Simmons said...

Nice posting about Delineators,thanks for the information.